Reader Questions #1: All About Flirting

Does being a flirt hurt or help your relationship?

In my humble opinion, being a flirt is essential in helping a relationship stay strong. I’m not saying you should go out and flirt with every woman in sight just to make a point; however, subtle flirting here and there will help any relationship. It hones your skills. It keeps you sharp. And it makes your woman appreciate what she has in you. If you stop being a flirt as soon as you get into a relationship then you stop being who you are. She was attracted to you, probably when you started flirting with her, so you need to keep doing what it was that attracted her to you in the first place.

With all that being said, you also want to make sure you’re still flirting with her! If you just flirt with other women and not her, she’s going to be out the door so fast you won’t even know what hit you. She should be the center of your attention. Flirt with her more. Make her realize that just because you occasionally flirt with other women, your mind and heart are still thinking of her.

Can you switch flirting off?

I don’t think flirting can be switched off. In my opinion, you’re either a flirt or your not. It’s something that comes naturally. You see this all the time in young children. Have you ever been around a baby boy who can’t stop smiling at the ladies that pass by? I have a nephew who was such a ladies man when he was a baby that his mom finally got upset because so many women would stop by their table at a restaurant that it was distracting.

Flirting is something we’re born with. It comes naturally to some people. And with some people it’s just awkward. You can certainly learn flirtation skills that will help you not be as awkward. However, if you’re a born flirt, it can’t be turned off. It’s part of who you are. It helps to define you. If you start trying to turn that off it’s time to ask yourself why?

Is there a solid boundary where flirting should not cross?

Flirting is harmless. When flirting changes to something other than harmless fun, it’s no longer flirting. It’s creepy, it’s weird, it’s disconcerting, and women will run from you. There are times when flirting requires a light touch on the arm or a subtle sexual innuendo. However, when that touching becomes too often or too obvious and that innuendo becomes full on sexual harassment; you’ve crossed a line.

Flirting is very much a subtle art. It is not ‘in your face’ and irritating. When a woman is being flirted with properly, she will flirt right back. The conversation will flow easily and nothing will be awkward. As soon as you notice something has changed and it’s not as free flowing, it’s time to step back and question where the line was crossed.

The line will be different for every woman out there. Many women like the ribald jokes and a little more touching. My suggestion is that less is always more. You can always add to your flirtation if it feels like you’re not getting anywhere, but once you’ve crossed that line with her it will be impossible to come back from it.

Is it possible to flirt without attraction?

Flirting without attraction happens all the time. Do you think your bartender is attracted to every man that walks into her bar? Probably not. And yet, she will flirt with just about every customer who walks up to her bar rail. Flirtation isn’t always about trying to get in someone’s pants. It isn’t always about wanting to be with that person. Flirtation can often be used as a tool to get what one wants.