Life Lesson: Follow Your Gut

Time to get personal, so there was this guy and he had approached me one day at a bookstore. I had seen him around before and when he came up to me I noticed his hands were shaking while he was asking me out. I knew he had to work up the nerve to approach me so I accepted his invitation for coffee. I wasn’t really attracted to him but I thought I would at least give him a chance, however upon going out with him, I wasn’t impressed. I didn’t really want to see him again but my friends convinced me to go out on three dates with him then decide. So I did and they just seemed to reinforce my opinion. He was a nice guy but I just didn’t have a connection with him. So I messaged him to let him know how I felt and that I wanted to stop dating. Now when this had happened with past relationships, the other person had accepted my decision and we both moved on, however that didn’t happen this time around.

He didn’t understand why I wanted to stop talking to him. Instead he tried to convince me to be his friend. Now this raised a red flag. Why would he want to be my friend? It was obvious he wasn’t completely platonic toward me otherwise he wouldn’t be fighting so hard. He made me sympathize with him and before I knew it I agreed. However not even a second after we agreed to be friends he asked me out for coffee or dinner again. Now this didn’t sit well with me and I got pissed off. How is us going for dinner or a drink as “friends” any different than going out on a date? Sure, it’s labeled as something different but the dynamic is still the same. We started off dating so I didn’t feel comfortable going out with him alone again. So I choose not to. Every few weeks he would message me. Now I have guy friends but none of them act the way he does. I could tell he still cared and that was the troubling part. My other guy friends are completely platonic toward and I don’t have to question their feelings.

After a few months of not talking to him he tried to add me on facebook and I just couldn’t. So I message him again to say I just couldn’t be his friend. It didn’t feel right pretending to be his friend when I really didn’t want to see him again. It wasn’t fair to him and to myself, however instead of being understanding about it, he tried to talk me out of my decision. He called me and we had a long conversation in which he tried to convince me to be his friend again. I felt like he was backing me into a corner and I told him that. I didn’t yell at him or insult him but he was giving me every reason to. He tried to pull every card in the book to try and get me to continue seeing him. He kept trying to tell me he didn’t have feelings for me but my gut was telling me something else. Why would he continue fighting me if he didn’t care? It didn’t make any sense. Why would he try to coerce me to be his friend instead of willingly allowing me to choose for myself? By the end of our conversation I was so mentally exhausted with him that I had had enough. He wouldn’t take no for an answer even though I kept saying no and questioning him. I told him if I wanted to see him I would but we had to go our separate ways.
The only reason I’m telling you this long winded story is to tell you to follow your gut and to never feel pressured into a relationship with someone. Dating should be fun and both parties should want to spend time together and see each other.  Don’t waste your time on someone who won’t give you 100%. He kept pursuing me even though I wasn’t invested in the relationship or the friendship. Realize when someone is trying to avoid you and let them go. The people that want to spend time with you will put the effort. It’s as simple as that. When you really like someone, and he or she really likes you, then things will just move naturally. Women love talking to men they are interested in. We get excited and we take the time to look good and go see them.  Notice how the person responds to you and try to understand where he or she is coming from. If you notice things aren’t going anywhere or you just aren’t feeling it then don’t be afraid to say no. Being open and honest is the best thing you can do when you feel uncomfortable in a situation. There is no reason to get upset when things don’t go the way you want them to. You just need to know yourself and move forward. You can learn from every experience and grow from it (this includes your relationships). So listen to gut instinct and always communicate with your partner so you are both on the same page.