Confidence or Lack Thereof

I was having a discussion with one of our partners yesterday and the question of confidence came up. She was inquiring as to why guys lack or lose confident women. This is such a great question from a super smart woman. The answer is so simple it’s almost ridiculous. FEAR. Fear of rejection, failure or ridicule. Beneath the exterior of almost every male is the fear of not succeeding.

On a whole we assume we will be rejected “before we even get a foot in the door,” which is so backwards since we do not have this same mindset in other parts of our lives. We walk into an interview with confidence, compete in sports and even challenge other males in the same way.

Yet put someone we are attracted to in front of us and every one of us will have felt the tinge of uncertainty at one time or another.

My whole life, I never had trouble speaking to the opposite sex. The majority of my friends have always been female. I knew how to socialize and be comfortable at a very early age. Maybe it was being raised by strong women but again this was the norm for me. Yet, if there was a woman I was attracted to, I was always too nervous to approach. Logically it makes no sense.

When I got to college I made some progress. While getting to know classmates and making new friends I got a reputation. I would talk to any and everyone I met. So I started collecting numbers. Ironically, I called very few but I always managed to fill my “little black books.” I tried to get my buddies to do the same. My mantra, funnily enough, was “your biggest problem should be finding the time to hang with all the people you meet.” So again, in college I was connected to so many chicks it would be impossible to believe that I was not hooking up with any of them. Sure I could meet and befriend them but I did not have the confidence to approach or connect on a deeper level.

Fast forward to the present, I can walk up to complete strangers and connect. I have no fear or care of rejection. The reason is I don’t care, I have nothing to lose so my confidence is at a peak level . If I make a connection she could become a friend, a client or a possible option for a friend.

After many lessons learned and conversations shared, I began to believe in my self worth. I have always had moments of confidence but never in all aspects of my life. This inner belief and complete confidence allowed me to eliminate my fear of the outcome. I no longer worry about what if’s and possible issues. By living in the present and taking action I have changed my life for the better.These changes have allowed me to meet my wife, get several jobs and deal with salespeople. The importance of believing in yourself, improving your confidence and letting go of the outcome is immeasurable. So the key to becoming “That Dude” is “having the stones to make the attempt without caring about winning or losing.”